Online dating can be fun but it can be also a minefield. The proliferation of online dating applications such as Tinder has irreversibly impacted on how contemporary people are thinking about dating, as well as how we behave and treat each other in that context. There are a lot of different ideas about what’s appropriate in terms of approaches to dating, and you are not alone if you are finding yourself feeling confused, frustrated and wasting time with people who are just not for you.
Here is my suggested introduction and questionnaire you can use in an attempt to screen your prospective date for compatibility. Of course, you cannot be guaranteed the person will answer the questions honestly. It’s worth a try, and you are welcome to copy and paste this text into an email and see what happens.
Dear prospective partner,
Thanks for considering taking this questionnaire for me. 🙂
Of course it is totally your prerogative to answer or decline all or any of my questions, because you might find some of them to be too personal.
I am happy to answer the questions as well, but I suggest that this process will work best if you answer my questions without being too influenced by me. My advice is not to try to pre-empt the responses I expect, and to instead be as honest as possible.
Also, if you prefer not to put the answers in writing to me, I will also accept verbal responses via a telephone call.
START OF QUESTIONNAIRE….
How many pieces of IKEA furniture do you have?
If any, how did you acquire them?
- new from IKEA
- second-hand from an op shop
- hand-me-down from a friend/housemate/family member/previous partner?
Do you have any children? If so, how many?
Do you know for certain that you don’t have any children?
If so, how are you so sure?
Do you want to have children?
If no, why not? If yes, why? If undecided, what are the most important questions/things to consider when making a decision about this?
How often do you drink alcohol? (Some suggested answers: every day/night, a few times a week, only on the weekends)
When you drink alcohol how much do you typically drink?
Do you use drugs? YES or NO
If no, have you used drugs in the past?
If yes, what motivated you to take the drugs? Can you describe what you learned from your experience using drugs?
How many close friends do you have who are LGBTQI ?
How many close friends do you have that are not your ex-partner/lover/hookup?
How many close friends do you have who are your ex-partner/lover/hookup?
How would you describe your sexuality? (For example, are you heterosexual, bi-sexual or other form of sexuality?)
Have you had sexual encounters with people of the same sex?
Have you had any experience with mental illness?
Have you ever suffered extreme depression or anxiety?
What do you do to prevent yourself from suffering mental illness?
Do you know someone you can engage for counselling if you need to?
Do you have health insurance? If not, why not?
Where do you buy your food?
How do you feel about using plastic shopping bags?
How often do you see or talk to your friends?
Is there anything you regularly do either during the week or on the weekends (other than work)?
How important is social media to you?
When you meet someone you are interested in how often do you like to hang out with them?
Have you ever lived with a partner?
If yes, what was the shortest amount of time you were together with a partner before you moved in together?
Would you consider living with a partner in the future?
When you have a partner you live with, do you prefer to combine your incomes or remain financially independent?
How important is it for you to have a partner who has secure employment?
How do you feel about one-night stands?
How do you feel about casual sex relationships?
How do you feel about open relationships? Have you or would you consider having one?
When you start dating/having sex with someone do you keep searching on online dating apps and/or keep dating?
Do you still have contact with people you have met on online dating apps? If so, how do you keep in touch with them and what is the nature of your relationship/s?
How long do you envisage you will keep living in your current city?
Do you have intentions to do further study? If so, what will you study?
How would you describe how you feel about where you are currently at in your career?
Is there anything you are currently not doing with your time that you would like to do?
Is there anything you are currently doing with your time that you would like to stop doing?
Do you consider yourself to be ambitious? If so, in what way are you ambitious?
What attributes does a successful person possess, in your view?
How do you typically feel about people who are more successful than you?
In particular, how do you feel about women who are more successful than you?
When you have a partner, how much time do you like to spend with them? (For example, every night, every second night, a few nights or weekends only…)
When you spend time with a partner what do you like to do with them?
How long do you think is an appropriate timeframe to be able to tell a partner that you love them?
What is love?
Are love and sex related? If so, how? If not, why not?
If you have to choose one over the other, what is more important to you in a relationship: having good sex or having good communication?
When you get into an argument with a partner how do you tend to deal with it? (For example, do you leave to take time out to think and then reconvene when you are ready? Stay around and talk about things?)
What is your preferred strategy for dealing with conflict with a partner?
Do you get angry? If so, what do you mostly get angry about?
How do you express/deal with your anger?
Do you get sad? If so, what do you mostly get sad about?
How do you express/deal with your sadness?
Have you ever had to deal with criticism from a partner?
If yes, what have been their criticisms and what has been your response?
If you are critical of a partner, what is usually your motivation for being so?
How do you feel about working/business relationships between partners? Would you consider working on a project/business with a partner?
What is your definition of a partner?
How long does it typically take you to feel comfortable calling a person you are having sex with a partner?
Finally, how do you feel about this questionnaire?
END OF QUESTIONNAIRE…
If you would like my assistance crafting your own questionnaire tailored to reflect your concerns, desires and needs please get in touch. Myself or one of my consultants can help you and Disruptor’s rates are very reasonable. – Catherine
Copyright Catherine Gomersall 2016 www.catherinegomersall.com and www.disruptor.com.au